EDITOR'S FEEDBACK
CATEGORY: Science Fiction Fantasy Action and Medieval War
The Portal is an intriguing action adventure with fully flushed out social and political systems, and a main character that struggles with moral decisions while forced into precarious positions. All the while, there are people being tortured and battles a plenty in search of The Portal, but is this religious icon a saving grace... or the "E"-day for everyone, an end to humanity as they know it.
This book was difficult for me to get into, not because the concept wasn't intriguing, because it was. The beginning of the book does not ground the reader very well, it is what I consider all over the place. Too much jumping around. Ground the reader first, then you can choose to jump to other areas of the universe. If you can get past the confusion the story moves at a good pace, and it is well written.
The reader does NOT know what is going on, enough, to be able to track what is going on when jumping heads so soon in the story. Stick with the portal/wizard traveler until we understand what is happening with him, THEN and only then should we jump into another character, if and only IF it's necessary.
Honestly, I'd delete the prologue, I'd delete the head hopping chapters until we get to the point where the spirit man get's told by the crazy man that he is a spirit man. Part of the problem with following a character that doesn't know what's going on themselves is it's more difficult for the reader to attach themselves to the story, not saying it can't be done, but it's important the character is grounded enough that the reader is grounded enough on who they are supposed to be following/attaching to.
I have a rule about prologues, unless they do something to add to the story, or are done very well and are necessary to get into the story, then do them. If your prologue does not help introduce your reader to the story and can easily be deleted without affecting the story... then delete it, or add the info within some other part of the book. If I were editing this book, I would ask the author why they wanted to keep the prologue and what purpose it serves, to help them come to the same conclusion...
Sometimes what's important to the author to help them write the story, isn't important for the reader to enjoy the story. Delete the unnecessary.I would delete the prologue from this book. It's hard, I've had to delete several pages of my books (Around 70 pages were deleted from my debut book, coming out in September.) and I weep for the loss, but it's about engaging the reader, and cutting the fat for lean work.
I stopped reading the book around chapter thirteen when I saw the "[edit] add more detail here" I can't bring myself to finish a book when the author doesn't even re-read their work to know that they left an edit marker in the published document. But, my friends, the book is FREE at the time of this posting and the writing is good, aside from the minor edits not completed by the author. So, for the sake of a good author's future please do download the book and email the author a few edits that would make future reader's reading time more enjoyable. Also, maybe by the time you download the book, he's implemented some of my suggestions and fixed the edits I emailed him before this post goes live.
Click here to download the book FREE: (free at the time of this posting)
The Portal: Science Fiction Meets Fantasy Head On in This Action Adventure Novel (The Birdmen of Beta Earth Series Book 1)
Here's the book blurb:
Swords, shields, and spears line up outside the gates of the mystical city of Wieese, the first battle of the Daylon's Reclamation War. But the Daylons are ambushed by the mysterious Dominion, and Deelo Con, a disgraced war hero is swallowed up by a portal and taken to another world, only to emerge ten years later a new man, free as a bird, with no memories of who he is or where he's been. The most extraordinary thing: has Dominion powers - the ability to hurl stones from relics, shoot lava from staffs, and see beyond one's own eyes.
With everyone in the empire scrambling for an edge, and with Deelo Con as the only one who knows the location of the power-granting Portal, everyone is after him because in a medieval world of swords and shields, battle lines, battle formations, shifting alliances, and constant war, the Daylon Empire’s tenuous hold on power will be forever altered depending on who gets to Deelo first, and whom he leads to the Portal.
But nothing matters as much as what's on the other side. Will Deelo Con remember what he saw on the other side of the Portal in time to unite his divided empire and meet this threat?
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Book was graciously provided by the author for an honest review, this was read on my Kindle. Amazon links to the book are affiliate links and do not add any cost to you to purchase through, but they do help support this blog and it's continued free reviews to authors and readers. Thank you again!
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